


Home is where heart is

by VenusV



Series: And under the moonlight, I'll forgive you [1]
Category: K-pop, VIXX
Genre: Canon Compliant, Maybe polyamory, Multi, Someone had to write this, coming home, dont @ me i'm a baby starlight and this is my first work, hakyeon i miss you, i cried a lot when i heard hakyeon left the dorm, idk why i did, its emo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-15 02:55:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18489871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VenusV/pseuds/VenusV
Summary: hakyeon had moved out of the dorm. but only physically, his heart is still there, but he's afraid. he left the members to be alone, to be by himself? but will they accept him when he needs comfort.canon.





	Home is where heart is

**Author's Note:**

> this is something i made up very quickly after asking on twitter its not near as good i can do but i threw my conscious away to write this, because i'm a baby byulbit in crises with my mind that I SHOULD NOT WRITE STORES ABOUT REAL LIFE PEOPLE but someone had to write emo stuff about hakyeon moving out and enlisting  
> plz oh plzplzplzplzplz leave me a line or a kudos just this once for motivation purposes, i'll take critisism too. maybe that will push me to write more *pouts*

This was the 5th night at his own place and still Hakyeon wasn’t able to sleep. Like seriously, 5 nights of trying again and again to sleep at time but all he could feel was ….loneliness. maybe this was exactly why he did good by moving out, he was too dependent on his members and it was like he was a little kid who couldn’t sleep without his mom or his bed room light open. You’re a grown adult Cha Hakyeon, get a grip on yourself he kept telling himself but sleep wasn’t coming, not tonight, not any night soon. Hakyeon took the longest sigh he ever did and threw his sheet off. Maybe he needed a distraction, something to tire him out so he could doze off, like he wasn’t already dead tired with shoot rehearsals all day long. Hakyeon shuffled his feet in the slipper and made his way out to the kitchen. Maybe he should make some tea, but he was out of leaves. He took a can of coke out of the refrigerator and went to the coffee table where his laptop was abandoned. Picking it up he remembered his earphones died yesterday. Great, just one more liability on his list. Maybe he should ask Wonshik to get him a pair, he always did have a good eye with electronics. He can’t even swipe one of the member’s. just one more reasons why he shouldn’t be living alone.  
Hakyeon settled back among his pillow and opened the chrome window from the task bar. Maybe some YouTube videos would take his mind off stuff.  
2 hours. He has been watching choreography videos on YouTube for 2 hours and still sleep is miles away. It’s getting ridiculous.  
“screw this” he said to no one. And quickly turned his laptop off. It was late, but he could still find a cab. He was going through his drawer like he was about to miss his train. Settling on a Red hoodie, that was not his by any chance, Jaehwan’s actually, he put it on and grabbed his phone and wallet. His brain as telling him no no no but if Hakyeon ever listened to his brain he would be 10 time more successful wouldn’t he. Hakyeon as the type to listen to his heart and his heart told him to run!  
Quickly locking his door, not even bothering to check twice, he skipped the steps of the stairs to his apartment building, he could have taken the elevator but he was overflowing with energy and wanted to get out a s quickly as possible. The security guard gave him a questioning look and he smiled past him quickly and off to the streets. His neighborhood was residential so there weren’t any public transport here, just personal cars, big ones, it was a rich neighborhood after all. It took him minimum two minutes to get on the road and signal for a cab. It hit him, he didn’t have a cap and the Hood was too big to actually hide his face but it was also past 12 and no one was really out in this cold.  
“You look like in a rush, son” the cab driver asked him, gentle.  
“Yeah, no not really, I just have to get there quickly” he replied calming his breath  
…  
It took him 5 minutes at most by car to get to the apartments, but it felt like half an hours today. He made sure to find a place closet to the dorm but with the conditions that it should be secure and in a hidden area it was hard to get the place he got. Most of the places were rental and Hakyeon was so done with renting places. He wouldn’t have even out if he didn’t want his owned space.  
The elevator was once again taking forever to come down and ugh why did they have to live on the 7th floor. He would climb the stairs but he was too old to be this excited. As soon as the elevator opened he let himself in quickly. Why was he in such a hurry he had no idea but he just wanted to get there as soon as possible. Punching in the code at the pad, he was once again surprised, mildly, and happy that the kids didn’t changed the passcode.  
“Taekwoon ah? Sanghyuk? Guys?” Hakyeon called out. The doors to the rooms were all closed but except for Jaehwan’s all had lights opened. And none of them were ever early sleepers.  
No answer. Hakyeon wondered taking off his shoes if Wonshik was home? Or if the boys were out together and just left the lights on. That thought made his stomach turn. They were allowed to go out but it did hurt him to think they’d go out and leave him be. He quietly made him way inside the corridor to the main lounge debating for seconds which door should he knock, what was he even doing here, feeling nervous, like he was invading, what once was his own home, just 5 days ago. He was an intruder now wasn’t he? He moved out. He left the others to have a place to breathe for himself, to cry, to think, to have a life that was all his own. The thought at first excited him. A place of his own. A kitchen he could decorate, hang his stuff on his walls, a bath room where he could stuff as many candles as he wanted, a fridge to keep all his banana milk without getting teased, he never wanted to push the others out, rather he thought they’d have another place to visit, another dorm, they’d have late night parties, crash on his couch, visit him out of the blue, he’d find one or the other in his house when he returned from schedule. But it wasn’t all rainbows, it never is. When he said he wanted to move out to his own place back in January, no one even batted an eyelash toward him. But when he told them that he got a place a month ago,…well, Wonshik’s face was still something he couldn’t forget. He looked…betrayed. He looked pained. The way he looked up from the lyric sheet at him, disbelief. He saw disbelief on Wonshik. Surprise on Sanghyuk. Jaehwan was confused, like he’d made a joke with a straight face. Taekwoon looked at him for a few minutes, was it pain he saw on him? Or was it just his normal expression, even after years he couldn’t tell at time with Taekwoon, but a selfish part of Hakyeon believed it was pain he saw in his eyes before Taekwoon looked away from him in the favor of going over the lyrics when he already recorded his part. Only one who didn’t show any expressions was Hongbin. But they all went quiet. Wonshik was still not really talking properly with him, Sanghyuk said to give it time, because it took them by surprise, but Hakyeon couldn’t help but notice the mild coldness in the youngest’s words. Jaehwan had cried. When Hakyeon moved the last box out of his room, little tears Hakyeon didn’t fail to notice as Jaehwan stood in his door framw trying to smile at him. Was Hakyeon really this selfish? Did he not do this the right way? Minhyuk told him it was the first step he had to take, for himself and his members, they were growing up he had said, and they wanted Hakyeon to show them an example so they could also get the courage to move on with their own lives. But was it really the right way? The way Hakyeon had done it. He could feel the lack of response from his members in their group chats, they resented him. Taekwoon didn’t smile at him for a month now, when Hakyeon had asked him why, he simply brushed it off as “I’m just tired there days Yeon ah”  
Did Hakyeon ruin the progress the 6 of them had made these years, did he dent it? would they drift apart? What if Taekwoon went back to being quiet if Hakyeon wasn’t there to look after him? Or what If Sanghyuk went back to his insecurities, what of Hongbin? Who was gonna watch over him now, the kid played too many games and slept too little. Hakyeon was selfish. And it was gonna cost him. He could feel it. Standing in the middle of the lounge for minutes now, there were hot tears running down his cheeks and he wanted to run away from this place that he betrayed but he also wanted to drop to the floor and cry until he couldn’t anymore. He felt like a traitor and It wasn’t the first time, but here in the dark room, with 4 shut door surrounding him, possibly 5 people who were perhaps knowingly ignoring his presence, all of his fears and worries were crawling back to him. The moment was like a horror movie scene, the surroundings were closing in on him, and there were hands moving towards him And damn it he didn’t want to cry here, that’s exactly why he moved out so he could cry where no other member would see his tears, no one else could be burdened by him and yet here he was.  
Hakyeon didn’t hear the door on his right creek open, and silent foot step coming towards him, the only source of light was from the night lamp from Jaehwan’s bed side table coming out from now an open door.  
“hyung?” Jaehwan asked, his voice heavy with sleep and confusion. Hakyeon, coming back to himself, quickly wiped his face with his over large sleeve  
“ah, Jaehwan-ah” he smiled at his younger, trying and failing to hide his tears “did I wake you up? I just let myself in”  
“hyung’ Jaehwan let out, almost like a gasp but clear now, louder, realization in his voice.” You’re crying hyung” he said and damn Hakyeon’s eyes.  
“What? No, I just can’t see in the dark and my eyes are watering by focusing too hard” he tried to lie knowing very well he wasn’t doing a good job.  
“What’s going on? Sanghyuk’s voice “N hyung? When did you come in, the makne asked hitting the light switch and Hakyeon felt exposed, in the light, there was no way his tears were a secret now, the look on Hyuk’s face said so.  
“hyung? Are you crying” Sanghyuk asked hesitantly, giving Jaehwan a short glace, questioning look. And damn it, Hakyeon was now feeling stupid and guilty. He was once again being a burden, the thing he hated the most. Sanghyuk’s voice must have been loud because two more doors opened and one revealed Hongbin, black hoodie, and headphones on, looking annoyed and then confused judging the scene in front of him. The other door let out a yawing Taekwoon, in his sleeping wear looking dead on his feet. He stopped mid yawn at the scene in his front and Hakyeon couldn’t feel anymore like culprit standing in the middle surrounding by people concerning his current appearance, which he didn’t deserve. He didn’t deserve any of it after betraying them, he took all of the progress and memories they made with each other and threw it like it was nothing. Some part of him knew he didn’t really throw anything, that he cherished every single second with his members but right now? He was feeling dirty… no he was feeling like a coward, for running away, he was feeling like an irresponsible leader for leaving his team. He felt like a traitor. Maybe it was fair to him that he couldn’t get any sleep at night or peace at day these days. He deserved it he thought and his eyes betrayed him. The waterfall he didn’t know he was holding in came crashing through his eyes and the next second he was audibly crying like a teenage girl going through a break up. He couldn’t see most of anything through the tears but he could see Taekwoon’s confused expression as he took a few steps closer to him, Jaehwan already had his hands wrapped around Hakyeon’s waist and was already hugging him from behind. It wasn’t a surprise that his member didn’t have anything to say because it was a sudden thing for them. 1am and suddenly their hyung who wasn’t supposed to be there was crying out like a stupid man in the middle of their house. Not much to be said here.  
“hyung” Hongbin said soothingly putting his hands on Hakyeon’s shoulders. “You do realize you are embarrassing yourself, right?” he tried to joke, his defense mechanism, for everything.  
“Hakyeon ah” Taekwoon moved forward and Hongbin left the space so that Taekwoon could wrap him, his ever so soft and wool like voice, it hurt even more like needles.  
“Hakyeon, what’s wrong? Did something happen at work?” he asked gain. Hakyeon could feel the slight panic in his eyes, he could guess that Taekwoon was worried about the younger ones, he didn’t know what answer to expect and even though Taekwoon asked the question bravely, he was clearly scared of the answer.  
“I- I’m sorry, I’m so sorry woonie” Hakyeon knew they wouldn’t know what he was apologizing for, at least not immediately, but he choked out the words between sobs, begging to the heavens that these small words would fix everything. He needed them to fix everything. He couldn’t live with himself if his members decided not to forgive him; no he couldn’t live with himself without earning their forgiveness.  
“shh, it’s alright” that’s all he said, god bless Taekwoon, he never spoke much, but his voice, that honey dipped soft voice, the shortest of words were a comfort not even speeches could give. Hakyeon let him wrap his hands, his big, protective hands, maybe these hands were even more comfortable for Hakyeon right now than his mother’s would be, he buried his face in Taekwoon’s neck, chocking out sobs that won’t stop, he let himself grab Jaehwan’s soft hands on his waist with his own two rough ones. He let himself cry again, not holding tears back, not caring if he was wetting Taekwoon’s shirt or if he was letting himself be seen vulnerable like this. Maybe he should have just apologized now, said everything building inside his head, all the thing that were already on his tongue but this warm embrace was something he didn’t have for a while now, he didn’t want to lose it, words could wait another day. He was thankful to his members for not asking him anything, he was tankful to them for just being there right now, he was more thankful to their silence at the moment then he would have been of their concern or worry.  
Maybe they stayed like this for a few minutes before he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Sanghyuk’s ever so beautiful and soft face, a little smile on him. “hyung, take a shower, you look tired” that’s all he said. Taekwoon slowly loosened his grip on him and Hakyeon almost whined out loud at the los of the warmth, Jaehwan nuzzled his nose at the back of his neck for a few seconds before letting go. Taekwoon was already going to the kitchen, he returned with a box of tissues and why were the tissues even in the kitchen and handed them to Hakyeon ho decided to follow the trend and silently accept them without words. Sanghyuk was humming now, maybe trying to appear normal as he picked up there water glass and TV remote to put them at their respective places. Jaehwan wasn’t there anymore, but Hongbin came back with a towel in his hand and tossed it at Hakyeon who barely caught it. “Wonshik took your towel with him, said something about making it Butt’s wipe. hang this after you use it” Hongbin delivered, but he didn’t turn around before Hakyeon could see the grin on his beautiful face.  
“What?!” Hakyeon mock shouted, not loud but dramatic enough and that earned him a giggle out of Jaehwan who was now retrieving to his room with a cookie jar in his hands. “Lee Jaehwan, you know you don’t snack after brushing your teeth, that exactly how you get decay” he scolded, his natural instincts kicked in, almost forgetting that he was crying just a few minutes ago.  
“hyung” Jaehwan whined and Hakyeon could help but coo at the cute younger.  
“it’s late, you’re being loud, I have a schedule at 7” Sanghyuk called out from his room, the door was still open, Wonshik’s bed was made, like always, so he wasn’t coming home these days again, huh Hakyeon made a mental note to ask his manager to scold Wonshik on his behalf before opening his own room, it was just how he left it, the sheets were a bit ruffled like someone sat, but it wasn’t anything big, maybe Hakyeon himself sat after making his bed.  
…..  
It had been a few minutes Hakyeon had settled in his bed when there was a knock on his door, Taekwoon peeked out and Hakyeon could help but whisper “cute” at the man’s tilted head, hair on one of his eye and his slightly sleepy face making him look like a kitten. Taekwoon left himself in, there was a glass in his hand he put on the bed side table next to Hakyeon and went to sit at the little space Hakyeon had left between his body and the table. Hakyeon could tell the other man had something to say, why wouldn’t he, they probably all had question that they decided to ignore for the night, but Taekwoon said nothing, he sat quietly for a minutes or two, gazing down at Hakyeon’s face, it was starting to make him feel self-conscious now, Taekwoon’s gaze, even the most neutral one was always intense. “woonie?” he asked, making the other boy jump a bit at the silence breaking, even if it was almost a whisper. Then there it was, a smile, the most beautiful thing Hakyeon had seen all day today, a smile that haunted both Hakyeon’s days and nights, a smile that could make him surrender the treasure of London, the smile that can melt his heart never to be put back again. A smile Hakyeon had missed for so long now. A smile that was stronger and more calming than a thousand words. It was there now, on the face of this beautiful man Hakyeon didn’t deserve to love, to have in his life.  
“Sleep Hakyeon, you’ll get black circles like this” Taekwoon had said before leaning in to kiss the crown of his head, and it made Hakyeon’s heart speed up. It wasn’t even near as affectionate action that he had gotten before, but at this moment, it was enough to send Hakyeon mind and hear both into chaos. Taekwoon slowly got up and let himself out the door closing it shut but not before smiling again at Hakyeon from the door way. And all Hakyeon could think about right now, despite all the worries from before still hanging in the air, that he was glad he came back, he was glad he ran here tonight, he was glad he had a place to turn to, people to come back to, he was glad he had a home.

**Author's Note:**

> if i get a good response on this, at my first contribution in the fandom, i'll write follow up stories that are building in my head about how hakyeon made up with the members. all will be based of real life events. i'm sorry wonshik didn't come in this piece but he's angry with yeonie and they need to make up lol will i or will i not write their makeup?  
> thank you guys. for reading, you made this baby starlight happy


End file.
